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hobbitdragon:

[TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of eating disorders, self-harm, etc]

“I turned to activism, originally, as an absolutely desperate response to the pain I was feeling.  I was trying my damndest to locate a way I might respond to personal struggles that no longer felt (solely) personal.  I was tired of trying to fix my ”ugliness” by fixing my body, tired of trying to manage being silenced by not speaking up.  I wanted to stop taking my frustration out on myself, to start identifying responsible institutions and calling out their misdeeds.  It was time – past time – to externalize the rage that had triggered my years’-long implosion.  It was time to battle the social forces contributing to my situation, instead of battling to avoid the pain they caused……However, my experience of activism retained a number of old bruises, injuries that once colored those behaviors-now-replaced.  The pain — which before led me to cut and to starve — began leading me into better territory, but it continued to be pain and it continued to lead.  Although I invested in activism, I remained angry, devastated, and at the end of my rope.  More importantly, my activism reflected this.  It reflected my desperation, my impulsiveness, the panicked terror of my flight-or-fight instinct.  I wasn’t sitting down and strategically considering means for effective dialogue.  I wasn’t looking to engage anyone, to reflect and heal within a community.  I was — violently and venemously — hitting the warpath……I don’t want pain to drive my activism, because I don’t want to use activism, the way I used cutting, purging, and the rest.  I don’t want to use activism to avoid feeling, when really I need to sit down and scream/ remember/ cry.  I don’t want to use activism to attack other people, the way I once attacked myself.  I don’t want to use “activism” as an excuse not to listen; I don’t want to silence others to avoid feeling silenced.  I want to draw a line, separating pain as a motivator for activism, from activism as a method of inflicting harm.”

hobbitdragon:

“When discussing privilege, power, and oppression you will inevitably come across a privileged person who doesn’t get it. You tell them to go out and research these terms. You tell them there are resources for them to learn. And what do they do? Get huffy. Demand that you, the marginalized individual, teach them.

….Once again, it’s all about the privileged person. Society is designed to cater to them. It’s what they are used to. So when they are faced with marginalized people informing them that it’s not their job to guide them through the unpacking/debunking process, they throw a tantrum.

Look, if they truly wanted to understand privilege and all that they would take that first step. They would try and learn and take advantage of the resources that have been pointed out to them. When they don’t, that just tells me they aren’t serious about understanding the topic. More often than not, when I do make an effort to offer some guidance, it turns into them trying to argue every single point I make. They make it personal. They can’t wrap their heads around the fact that it’s not all about them. 

So, no. I am not going to hold your hand and walk you through this. Unpacking your privilege is a never ending process. It requires a lot of humility, hard work, and self realization. It can be painful. I say this as someone who has done it and continues to do it daily. It’s not my job to make it easy for you. That’s the fucking point. This entire society was designed to make things easier for you.”